You may think they are innocent enough. They have a tough job. They brave the suns harmful rays day after day just to keep us safe. With their cheap sunglasses and billowing shirts, they are like Batman. If the pool were Gotham City. And the swimmers criminals. And after all, we pay them to stop us from doing dangerous things right?
Wrong. We pay them to save our lives if we happened to drink a bottle of Jack before swimming. We pay them to bandage toes and perform CPR. We don't pay them to be the fun police. Who are they to stop me from running? Who are they to put an end to my chicken fight? If I want to run amok and go down the slide backwards, it is my god-given right. And they better be there to save me if I happen to crack open my skull on the bottom of the pool.
The rules they enforce have been handed down over centuries. They are no longer relevant. The "No Running" rule stems from the before-time when Roman baths were covered in tile and running meant certain death to all toga-wearing patrons. This is outdated. Today's poolsides are covered in textured concrete that resembles course sandpaper. Let me run freely to the diving board.
So to all lifeguards, I say, stop sucking the fun out of the pool. And take off those shoes. If I'm drowning, I don't want you unlacing your Sketchers and pulling off your socks before you dive in.
[Keep following because the summer has just begun. Also, more rants to follow.]
you are brilliant :)
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