5. The Apple Logo.We get it. You like Apple products. But since Apple tries to play themselves off as more "intelligent" and "trendy" than the rest of the masses, I would think you would be smart enough to recognize when the company you worship is using you for FREE ADVERTISING. Yeah, that's right. That sticker isn't a prize to show to all your friends that you are better than them. The free sticker that came with your over-priced product is free because they have determined that the benefits of giving away something for free have outweighed the costs. But I guess it serves you right for spending the extra money in the first place. Don't get me wrong. I like Apple products. I just don't like Apple fanboys. Hence the number five worst bumper sticker of all time.
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| Uhh, that would be think differently. But thanks for playing. |
4. Outdated Campaign Stickers. Sorry to burst your bubble but William Jennings Bryan lost. Back in 1908. I get that you don't want to be "mainstream" but you've got to draw the line somewhere. There comes a point at which endorsing the losing candidate doesn't mean anything except you made an unpopular choice. Oh you voted for Nader in 1972? Who is he again? How about endorsing principles rather than candidates. But I digress. It's just lazy. If your candidate lost, I know it is heartbreaking, but stop dwelling in the past.
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| Actually, that's kinda rad. |
3. Family Caricatures. Seriously? What is the point of this? "I have a family, and we are cute!" So? First, you know those little pictures will be outdated in like six months right? And if you are dedicated enough to keep a true-to-life stick figure family on the back of your minivan, you need to get a hobby. Second, those things are not true. An accurate representation of your family would have a pregnant teen daughter, a coke-head son, and a snotty eight year-old. Where is that sticker? Oh here it is:
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| Hmm. I may have to move this one down a spot. |
2. Tramp Stamp. I hardly have to write anything about this one. If you and your car have a matching tramp stamp, you need to reorganize your life. Wait. I just realized, when the souped-up Ram down the street with the fake testicles hanging off the hitch and the beat-up Tercel with the tramp stamp get together... the result can only be the Smart car. I don't want to rain on your parade, but do you ever see any nice cars with a tribal design or a butterfly with a fairy princess in the center of the rear window? No? That's because it's trashy. Even on a car. Time to get out the razor blade. For your car this time.
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| The essence of class. |
1. Twenty-six point two. AKA 26.2. We get it. You like to run. Awesome. I like to drive. Hence, the reason I am sitting in the car. I resent that I have to look at some conceited sticker bragging about how far you can jog. I feel like real marathon runners would have the decency to at least be a little ashamed about what they do. But just because you decided you could PAY real American dollars to run in a sponsored race doesn't mean you get to visually assault me. Also, I can't tell you the number of times I've passed a "marathon runner" only to see a tubby, worn-out house mom driving with a 40 oz. Sonic Cherry Limeade in one hand. Hmm. You have just removed any shred of legitimacy that sticker never had.
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| Ugh. TERRIBLE. |
There you are folks. Enjoy. And if any of these apply to any of you, you are hereby no longer my friend until you remove the aforementioned sticker.Who thinks of these things? Oh yeah, I do.
[Keep Following. I swear I'm a gentle person even if my rants aren't. Some things just need to be said.]
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