Keep Searching

I think it funny whenever humans pridefully try to tell themselves that they know everything. It always serves as a little reminder to me that I shouldn't be like them. There are so many questions without answers. Even about the simplest of things. There is no conclusive evidence to explain why we yawn. Look it up! It's crazy! We don't know what is at the bottom of the deepest points in the ocean. We are kindergartners when it comes to explaining natural laws like gravity. We still aren't sure why light acts the way it does. We know so much. And yet, for every question we answer, we are bombarded by ten new ones. We should never stop searching for answers. We know more about the world around us now than at any point in our history.

But instead of our knowledge making us prideful and sure of ourselves, we should become more humble. More innocent. More unpretentious. We should be more adoptive of the attitude of that great Thinker who said, "The only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing." And heed that ancient prophet who wrote, "O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise" (2 Ne. 9:28).

We humans have an amazing intellect. Every person has the opportunity to think creatively, to investigate, and to test the world around him or her. We have a soaring imagination. We are the smartest things on the planet. Our machines haven't yet surpassed us. And to neglect this intellect by assuming we know everything is the biggest travesty I can think of. When humans become prideful and stop searching for answers, or for the truth, mark my words, it will be our downfall. Thinking is mankind's most ancient and worthwhile endeavor.

And I think the three most important questions each individual must search and answer for themselves are: Who am I? Why am I here? And where am I going? I truly believe that the answers to these questions differ slightly from person to person. Some may be content with not knowing the answers. These people may become so drawn down the humility line in knowing that we don't know anything, that they may start to believe that such knowledge is impossible to find, and therefore the answers are not worth searching for. But in the end, they are guilty of the same error as those who think they know it all. The result is the same, they stop searching. They neglect their ability to search and find.

Some people are content with answers to the "Big Three" that go something like this:  We are descended from primates. We are here by accident. And when we die we disappear. And if that is what your intellect has led you to, good for you. If you feel that this is satisfactory I applaud you for your efforts in searching. If this knowledge fulfills and satisfies you and leaves you excited to wake up in the morning, fantastic. I would rather have people believe in something rather than nothing. What is important is that you searched for the truth. And perhaps your ideas about life will evolve ever-so-slightly with each new day. And as you learn new things on your search, you modify your answers, this is living. This is using the gift that has been given to you.

We should all be tolerant of how others choose to live and believe. But tolerance is a two way street. If we are tolerant of others' beliefs, it is OK to expect our views to be tolerated as well.

In this light, I present to all, the answers to these questions as I have found them. My answers are for me. Just because many others share similar beliefs it does not make them any less true for me. And they may be true for you. What is important is that you find out for yourself rather than relying on others. These are my answers. They make me feel good about my life. They give me purpose. They drive me forward and make me happy:

I am a spirit son of a loving God who is my spiritual father. I am here first and foremost to be happy, to learn, to love, and to live the best life I can possibly live and become more like my Father-in-heaven. And after this life, if I have tried my hardest, God will make up for my mistakes through the sacrifice of His Son and I will return to live with Him.

The best part about my answers is that they keep changing. I keep finding out new and exciting things about my destiny. I am constantly learning, sometimes improving, but always becoming more and more humbled about what I do not know. But if there is one thing that I am sure of, it is that God is there, and that He is the ultimate source of knowledge. To get this knowledge all we have to do is ask. And one way or another, He will give us answers. That is what I believe. I hope you are tolerant of what I believe, and if you don't understand how I could possibly believe this, just ask me. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain, and at the very least you will understand me and we will become better friends.

[Sorry for the break  in form. Funny posts are coming. I know that's all you want anyway. But keep following.]

A Halloween Dream

I saw a dark hallway, the walls close, yet distant; a palpable night pervaded the place; its portals attended by nurses with dead eyes, their white coats cast in dim fluorescence. They bid me wordlessly onward and I did glide into the deep. My will was vapor before my curiousity. But as soon as the blackness beyond the metal gate met my eye, I wished to turn back. My heart began to flail and flutter and my stomach churned with apprehension.

My sight was dim and a rushing wind deafened my ears to all but my blood pumping. I was pulled deeper and deeper into the throat of what seemed to be a malevolent force. My hairs stood up as when you know you are being watched, but not from where. I felt the weight of a city above me, their sins and filth sliding down the floor beneath me, and I knew part of it was mine. I cried out for help, but was heard of no one. Time ticked itself to death and I knew I was alone. I slowed and was driven to me knees; dumped by whatever was carrying me. The cold stone seemed to swallow me and my heart slowed. I could hear my breaths echo as if off a wall or a presence directly in front of me, so close it made me quiver. But against all my apprehension, I reached out and felt nothing. The space was terrifying, and hungry. It drove from me all love and replaced it with crippling emptiness. I gave into despair and began to crawl. How long I crawled I do not know. Only that I crawled across the ripping cold stone until my palms bled. My tears burned cold trails down my cheeks.

And then I heard, as it were, the rushing of water. I began to claw my way to the noise, a small candle of hope began to flicker inside me. I called out to it, wanting there to be someone, something to hear me. The flowing noise got quieter as I approached. I reached out to the slight trickle to feel it. There was a rough stone wall before me and over its edge flowed a steady sheet of warm water. I became suddenly aware that my tongue was dry. No normal thirst it was. It was as a desert burning hot and dry inside me. And I made to scoop the water into my mouth as only one who is dying of thirst can. Frantically I pawed it into my mouth and then put my lips to the fountain and drank deeply for some time. All else did not matter, the glory of the drink was the only thing. It was all I had. Then, slowly, I began to taste. It was unlike any water I had before tasted. But somehow familiar; almost metallic. And then I knew it. It was not water at all. It was blood.

It ran its ponderous way down all the walls around me. I wretched, and wretched again. But nothing could cleanse me. And I was suddenly sure where I was; not in the sense that we know to be a surety of place, but I knew exactly where I was not.  

I began to shake violently. It was not a cold shiver or a fear tremble but a soul-shudder that had its roots deep inside me. I looked at my trembling hands and saw only shadow until they slowly materialized before me. I hardly recognized them, torn and blood-covered as they were. I sobbed as I stared and the deep realization came to me that I did not know who I had become. They were murderous hands. I saw them more clearly. The turning shadows my hands cast were projected onto the black stone behind them. There was light. It was a dark maroon shade coming from behind me. I wheeled and cried out when I saw the source.

A figure in a grey cloak held a grim lantern in his hand. Its slats were thin and jagged. The figure grasped it by a thorn-covered handle. The light was peculiar, unlike anything I had ever seen. But it was wonderful to see anything but darkness. I pulled myself to my feet and ran to the figure. As I approached I felt the air become colder. His hands were bone-thin and pale. And under his hood his face was weary and time worn. Great wrinkles crossed his translucent skin. I asked him to help me. He opened his mouth unnaturally wide and let out a death-rattle. The sound pierced me to the core. I slunk away terrified but he followed me. His light was just enough to help me puzzle out my surroundings. He followed behind me as I began to run deeper into the place.

The hall soon opened into an enormous chamber supported by great looming square pillars. I felt that I needed to cling close to them, as the open space scared me more than the narrow hallway I was in before. I looked up and saw the pillars disappear into a black void. My instincts told me to huddle down on the floor. A reverse-vertigo took hold of me and I crawled over to the nearest pillar. I felt something move beneath my hands. I looked deep into the black surface and saw nothing. Suddenly a serene face appeared. I felt it was akin to mine own, save for the grey thinning hair. As the face got closer, it changed. The skin sloughed off in great chunks and left only a skull. I gasped as I withdrew and I saw that inside all the pillars I could see half-rotted corpses writhing in silent agony.  

I turned to find the grey man pointing towards the center of the chamber. I followed his directive. I timidly made my way to the center, half-terrified and morbidly curious as to what I would find there. A pain-wracked shriek pierced the silence. And again I hid behind the nearest pillar, despite the horrors that were contained inside.

As I looked around the side of the pillar I realized I could see my breath. I covered my mouth to hide the mist and viewed the scene of horror before me. Black insect-like creatures covered an enormous ghastly machine. They chittered and clacked over its surface. Great beasts they were, half shadow and half spiked armor. They knew their business well. They were directed by a man in white. He stood on a platform of bodies well above them. His booming voice was a language I had never heard. One by one, the insects pulled a man or woman from the nearest pillar and pushed the poor screaming soul into the machine. They were soon silenced. I did not know what the machine was, but it seemed to be a sort of reverse baptism. I could take it no longer. I wished to die or be free of the place.

So I stepped from my hiding place and the man in white snapped his head in my direction and stared at me with piercing coldness. His gaze was tangible, it felt as if he could grab my throat and snap me like a twig. My knees buckled and my hair raised. He said, "You do not belong here..." Icy tears ran into my mouth and down my neck as I ran from the place. Faster and faster I ran. Until my lungs burned and my heart was about to burst. Soon I was gliding again. I could hear the man in white laughing behind me from deep within the chamber. It was not jovial, but hateful and full spite. "You do not belong here... yet," he screamed, "leave now!"

Soon the familiar fluorescent light and white-clad nurses greeted me again. And I woke with a cold sweat.

[Keep Following. Yes, this was actually a dream I had. Also, I'm growing a mustache.]