Like you really needed to hear that. No one enjoys being sick. Well, I'm sure there is some weird Finnish guy sitting in his basement somewhere wearing a traffic cone on his head and gloves on his feet with a garlic-clove necklace on just trying to get sick. But I'm not that guy.
I got food poisoning. Don't ask me how. I eat pretty much the same types of food everyday. Miles also eats those same foods with me, so don't ask me how I got sick and he didn't. Don't ask me what it's like throwing up in the JKB bathroom in the middle of class. And even though it was the middle of class, all of the stalls were staked out when I walked in there like some kind of cruel joke. So I leaned pale-faced over the sink and practiced Lamaze childbirth breathing patterns until one opened up.
I would do almost anything to not throw up. It is number one on my least favorite things. If an evil genie showed up and offered different kinds of torture in exchange for barfing, there aren't a whole lot of options I would turn down. I don't blow chunks very often, but when I do, it's always bad news. I won't go into details, but I'm just a mess afterwards. I look like I've been crying for weeks and I go so pale I make dead bodies look rosy-cheeked. I always feel like I need to apologize to anyone who has to listen to my harrowing trial. Yesterday, that awkward apology went something like this, "Sorry you had to listen to that, guys."
To which I received the reply, "You don't have to apologize, it must really suck to throw up pieces of your femur."
I would have laughed if I hadn't felt so sick.
[Keep following. I know it was gross, but at least I didn't post pictures.]
You're lucky you're not a woman! Morning sickness makes life mucho terrible.
ReplyDeleteThere's no way to not sound like a bulimic when I say this, but for me, barfing is kind of a hobby. Only because my gag reflexes are super sensitive and if there is even a smell that is slightly awry, I lose it. All. Gross. I hope no one reads that.
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