I Opt-In For Porn

I've said in the past that I would do my best to prevent my blog from getting too political, but there has been a disturbing trend that I've noticed on my friends' social media accounts. Many of them are posting links to this petition:

Require ISPs to Make Porn an Opt-In Feature

Not only is this petition pointless (other than perhaps being able to give yourself a high-five for having high morals), this is disturbing to me because it highlights a fundamental lack of understanding--not only about the function of government--but about freedom and morality. And that is why, as much as it pains me to say, I opt for porn. Before you get your indignant little typing fingers ready, finish reading this post.

First, I cannot fathom why so many people trust the Government to get involved with legislating the internet in any way, shape, or form. Think about it. This is the U.S. Government we are talking about. The same Government that robs you on a daily basis, kills innocent people abroad, violates rights held sacrosanct by the very documents that led to its inception, and can't even design an effective website to facilitate a much-lauded transition into socialized healthcare. And your plan is to allow this Government to start regulating what you can and cannot see on the internet?

Never mind that such a petition might well allow the government to start invading the last bastion of free speech, we all know from experience that if the Government actually got a hold of the aforementioned power, it would surely end in a debacle. The US Government is unfortunately the reverse King Midas of doing anything beneficial. But, you say, "Porn is wrong! Why should I be subjected to possibly seeing it? We legislate other things that are morally wrong, why not this?"

This leads to my second point, morality is something that should be taught in the home, not enforced by the Government (taught by force). Meaning, if you think pornography to be reprehensible, teach your children and others about its follies. Educate yourself, be proactive, donate your money to awareness campaigns. You have the right to do so. You are free to do so. But unfortunately the same freedom that allows you to stay away from pornography, also allows other, equally free citizens to voluntarily produce and view pornography. That is true freedom. Anything else is veiled oppression. This might be inconvenient to those with strong senses of what is right and wrong, but freedom is, and always has been, a two-way street.

So it is with free speech. Which is exactly what protects pornography. The first amendment wasn't created to protect slogans on the side of cereal boxes. It was created to protect that which is unpopular, as well as everything else. By protecting everything, no one is oppressed, and we are allowed to choose what we want to look at and read and listen to, even if it is unpopular, especially if its unpopular. And thank God for this, because it is this same reasoning that allows me to practice my religion according to the dictates of my own conscience, and for everyone else to do the same.

Consider the implications of the government trying to legislate according to moral beliefs. Since no two people have the exact same moral sense, who then should the government listen to? And how does one prove that a certain way of thinking is superior to another? But as I think about it, this is not a hypothetical, many of the most heated debates in Washington are about moral issues that should not even be discussed, but at some point in the past the Government over-stepped its bounds and we are now dealing with the fallout. But I digress.

Finally, some may have bristled when I called the petition pointless. But it remains true. This petition is pointless because porn is already "opt-in." Very rarely do I accidentally see pornography on the internet. If something suggestive appears that you didn't click on, close it. My petition (as well as yours) should happen with your index finger clicking that little 'x' in the corner. And it is not as if every webpage you navigate to has half the screen taken by naked women, if this were the case I might see the point in such a petition. And if there are naked people on your screen, you are visiting pornographic websites. In case you didn't know. I also have the AdBlock add-on for Google Chrome and I have installed K9 Internet Filtering. It is a free program that filters your internet locally; there is absolutely no need for the Government to get involved.

Saying that you need the government to babysit you and your children is exactly the kind of attitude that has gotten us to this point. Take the initiative. You are not a victim, and government is not the solution.

If three wise monkeys can do it, so can you.

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Mr. Universe

Very few people can say they helped Mr. Universe. I am one of them.

I was a missionary once. I had the pleasure of meeting a man named Jusup Wilcosz. He lived in the 38th story of a run-down apartment complex in Stuttgart. The hulking man carried himself gingerly. He wore baggy sweatpants and spoke with a deep, booming voice. He smelled of alcohol most of the time. I guess you could say teaching Jusup was one of my own Book-of-Mormon-Musical moments when I learned that some scars are too violent for my sunny and simple understanding of the world to repair. Some sicknesses go too deep for words to mend. Some pains take root within the soul, and there they stay, compressing the conscience like a slow-turning vice. What could I do for this man? I was naive. I was young and inexperienced in the ways of the world. What could I offer him that other sources couldn't?

A signed copy of his book called "Was Bleibt?" He wrote Keep on pumping! at the bottom.

Now, some are inclined to criticize the LDS Church for expecting all worthy, healthy young men to serve missions. Many see this as oppressive, restrictive, and unnecessary. I didn't know it at the time, but my experience with Jusup was one that would change how I viewed my "job" as a missionary. Coincidentally, this also made my mission something that I would never regret or exchange for anything. I now understand why the church expects this from the young men.

Jusup's apartment was dirty. It was littered with stacks of papers filled with his curling, heavy handwriting. He would always offer us milk or tea or water and would sit across from us sipping his milk from a tiny tea cup that looked even smaller in his massive hands. Jusup has lived more than most people ever will. He would often speak of his glory days while leading us around the cramped space and showing us pictures of him lifting weights. His obvious favorite was a black-and-white print of him and Arnold Schwarzenegger training together. Speaking of these times would bring a broad smile to his face, (never mind the drops of milk suspended in his beard).

Arnold and Jusup doing what they do best.

Perhaps what makes Jusup's story so tragic is that Arnold Schwarzenegger's success stands as a constant reminder of what could have been. That differing trajectory must bring him constant torture. Jusup began lifting weights competitively in the "golden age" of bodybuilding. A list of his achievements and titles can be found here. After several injuries, his career began to fall apart. At the same time, his best friend, Joseph, betrayed him, took his successful gym away, and stole his investment money. Soon after, his wife got cancer and died. Jusup suffered a nervous breakdown and had to temporarily enter a mental institution for delusions and suicidal tendencies. He quickly went from Mr. Universe to destitute. He learned in a dramatic way that muscle doesn't make you invincible.

Fast-forward twenty years. As often happens when one hits rock bottom, they find God waiting. Some may argue that it is weakness and desperation that leads people into believing in God, but I believe that that is how God intended it to be. That humility leads to inner strength and conviction. For all his accomplishments, Jusup wasn't as strong as he thought. My companion and I made earnest efforts to get him to stop drinking and come to church with us. But it seemed for every step forward he would take, he would then take two steps backwards. But I loved him in my own way. I could never be angry with him for his apparent lack of progress, and eventually it became comforting to me just to hear him say that it did him good to meet with us. And that became enough for me.

My companion Elder Norris and Jusup in his apartment.

He would often say that he considered killing himself but that he was too much of a coward to do so. Perhaps that "never give up" attitude that led him to the world title twice is what kept him from ending his life. It broke my heart to see someone who was so successful fall so far. He never even saw it coming. But he is a hero to me. His name will always stand as Mr. Universe in 1979, 1980. Despite his success and failure, he is one of the kindest and most humble people I have ever met. And it might be cliche, but Jusup helped me as much as I helped him, if not more. And maybe some people don't need "saving" in the sense that we often think of. I know that God knows Jusup, God loves him. The real Mr. Universe is watching over his son.

If I brought some small measure of comfort to a broken, hopeless man, then my job was done.

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I'm not narcissistic enough to believe that Mr. Rogers reads my blog from wherever he is, but on the off chance that he does, I'd like to thank him for this quote:

"Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them into nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it."
 -Fred Rogers

PS- This dog can skateboard. If how much fun he is having doesn't make you smile, there may be something wrong with you. I just wonder what he thinks he is doing...

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Silver Linings

Something strange happens when your worst fears come true.

 When you wake to find your nightmares live and breathe, and your life breaks to little bits in front of your face. When you can only helplessly look on while the worst happens and it can't seem to get any worse, and then does. In those moments, you die a little. Pieces of your heart and mind are chipped away, never to be recovered. And it hurts awfully. But this is to be expected. It is the logical outcome of the situation at hand. It's easy to understand why you feel the way you do. That heartbreak is not what is strange.

I think most of us fall asleep most nights worrying about all the terrible things that could happen to us. We allow those thoughts to run over and over in the treadmill of our minds until they become soothing to us. We spend years cultivating lives motivated by preventing worst-case scenarios. So on the off chance that one day we wake up and worst-case has pushed its way through the front door, we are rarely surprised. And we react accordingly. According to plan, we fall down in a heap and sob until we can't anymore. Our reaction to fears coming true isn't strange, either. We've practiced that part in our minds.

And after we've cried our tears and wallowed for the allotted time, we get up. We wake up with tear-soaked pillows and heavy hearts and we keep going. We go about our lives, performing the same routines, if only with small variations. We go to work or school much the way we did before. We may not realize it right away, but things are different--brighter, sharper. Without even realizing it, we have become stronger. Some people notice this about themselves right away and become prideful about it and vow to never let themselves sink so low again... Getting stronger after facing resistance also isn't strange.

But some of us take longer. The realization comes slowly at first. Little events unfold differently. We stand up for ourselves and others when we wouldn't have before. Reactions that we planned out before happen spontaneously. Hesitation decreases. As the sun rises and sets, and weeks and months pass, we become more sure about who we are. And we too realize we are stronger. But only because we know how vulnerable we are. It becomes beautiful.

This is what is strange: when your worst fears come true, you have nothing left to be afraid of, and this is a good thing.

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How Much Is Your Self-Worth? A General Rules Post, Kind Of

They are back! That's right, the General Rules of love are back, if only temporarily. So be happy.

Lately I've been reading some self-help books, old journals of mine, and inspirational quotes. And I've noticed a peculiar vein running through most of them. If you could distill the messages in all of them down to a single sentence, it would be: the only thing you can control is yourself.

This is interesting because it seems so self-evident. It seems like a trite platitude at first glance. I just imagine some valley girl from the nineties sassily exclaiming, "DUH!" as she twists some pink gum on her finger. But like most cliches it is so obvious that we forget it as soon as we hear it, and then go about our lives trying to control everything except for ourselves. We get frustrated about hitting red lights, birds pooping on our newly-cleaned cars, getting stuck behind the old woman at the grocery store who still writes checks, and people just disappointing us in general.

This asinine behavior vindicates itself especially in times of emotional trouble. When lovers leave, when family goes astray, and when things wither and die are the times when we try to grip the tightest. But we find quickly that the harder we squeeze, the quicker things fall apart. And then we beat ourselves to a pulp for not controlling something we had no control over in the first place. So label it a self-evident, trivial platitude all you want, it bears repeating--and often.

The next thing I noticed is that our ability to internalize this obvious truth is tightly linked to our self-worth. Usually those who have made their peace with that phrase can feel alright when everything is going wrong. Those who have learned that they can only control themselves through soul-wracking defeats are the calmest when the tempests of life swirl around them. On the other hand, those sad people who vainly think they can have the slightest control over anything outside themselves are the first to fall to pieces.

This is because they associate their worth as an individual with how "put-together" and "perfect" their lives are. It is possible to live under this delusion for small periods of time. When things are going according to our best-laid plans, we are apt to think that things are going right because we willed the outside factors to be arranged just how we wanted. But eventually our plans will come up against something we cannot control. And those who associate success and self-esteem with their false sense of control will crumble. Those who instead turn inward and work on themselves and on their own behavior, realizing that that is their only true choice, will rise above their tribulations.

This problem happens most often with others' freedom of choice. And this most often in love. When we not only love someone, but absolutely require them to survive, we are essentially building a giant house of control-cards. The problem with this (beside the obvious reason) is that whether or not that house stays up isn't completely up to you. When it falls, it won't matter how quickly you can grasp at the fluttering cards.

We must separate our self-worth from outside sources and learn through internal observation what makes us wonderful. The nice thing about accepting this platitude is that the more you control yourself, the better you will feel about you. Yes, I realize this is hard. If it were easy everyone would do it. Overcoming yourself is the hardest thing you will ever do.

In closing, I've found that most of the time, life is a series of acts of letting go.

You're welcome. You don't need to go to that Tony Robbins seminar anymore.
 
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